I heard a story and thought it was true,

It played with my emotions and made me feel blue.

I sat up all night thinking about sacrifice, depression, and what to do.

Then I found out that none of it was true!

Just lies, lies, and more lies,

This is why I don’t often buy into stories that bind my emotions into ties.

Because most times, they turn out to be just lies.

Leaving my heart to echo heartfelt cries…

While I know, “For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God; (Romans 3:23 KJV)” lately I have felt like I have fallen off the wagon. Since I have fallen off of the wagon, it is time for me to honestly reset all aspects of my life. I need to start over, again. The good thing about God’s grace and mercy is that He is willing to forgive me and give me another opportunity to do better than before. While it will not be easy, it is something that I am determined to do. Failing is not an option when it comes to my soul’s final destination. I know where I want to be and it is time for me to start over so that I will be able to get there.

There are so many aspects to life. Some people name six, others name ten, and I will be covering seven.

First: Spiritual Wellbeing

To start over spiritually, it is important to cleanse. When coming back to Jesus, I want to make sure my heart and mind are in the right place. I want to be sure that I have confessed my sins and confirmed my belief in His almighty power over my life. It is so important that Christians continue to affirm their beliefs and that they stand on the foundation of Christ. I know that Christ is in control of all things in my life, therefore, there is nothing that I can hide from Him. Being aware of this idea of not being able to hide, it is important that I go back to Him and confess my sins and know that I am forgiven so I am able to live my life fully. I want to get back on track and complete the race that I was made to run.

For me, starting over begins with ending the chapter of rogue thoughts and actions and submitting myself to the ways and life of Christ, again. My motto as I embark on this change is: my sins are my own, meaning there is no one to blame for the sins I commit.

Second: Mental Strength

It will most definitely take mental strength to commit to this lifestyle change. Change is never easy and old habits tend to show back up when one is committed to moving forward in life. I already count myself as mentally strong, but there is still a lot of work to do. For instance, I have to work on better sleeping habits and not letting people bother me so much. This mostly applies to work environments; I have to remember that I have the confidence and mental capacity to handle any challenge that comes my way.

God’s Word says, “greater is He that is in you, than he that is in the world (1 John 4:4 KJV).” Knowing this, I am ready to battle the challenges that come my way. Many people say, that war is first won in the mind.

Third: Physical Health

This one is interesting for me. I have always wanted to be physically fit so that I have the stamina to climb mountains or walk long distances to keep up with my family and friends. I started being an on-and-off exercise person. I noticed that when I was exercising, I felt better. I was able to walk long distances with no problems. I was able to keep up with extended activities and I felt better. Then I would be off and find myself heaving and gasping for air, blaming it on asthma. I am determined to maintain a healthy lifestyle. I will continue to eat what I want and drink what I want (in moderation) but couple that with exercise and I will be able to maintain the stamina needed to physically keep going.

Fourth: Relationships

I have already begun placing boundaries on my relationships. I have established the things that I will absolutely not tolerate: other people’s problems, negativity, ridiculousness, etc. but there is still work to do. For some reason, the word “no” does not stick for some people, so I need to continue to stand on my boundaries and say, “no”.

As far as work relationships go, I need to stick to my values and boundaries. If the task is not beneficial or matches my values then I need to politely decline. I need to say, “no” a lot more in this space as well.

Overall, I think I have healthy relationships but I need to place boundaries on myself in some relationships to be how God intended me to be.

Fifth: Career Prosperity

I am so excited about this new opportunity that I have been gifted with, but also, I am ready to begin something new and independent. I still have the drive to be an entrepreneur but I am not sure I feel as invested as I did the first time. I will continue to pray for direction on this business and what exactly I want to do within the business. I have dreams of one day owning a small gallery where pictures on canvases are hanging and people trickle in to buy their next conversational piece. However, dreams without action are only dreams.

All of that to say, I will pray for direction and guidance for this business, or else the vision of a business will result in being only a dream.    

Sixth: Wealth and Money

I have spoken about wealth before. Needless to say, I have started working on building this wealth. I am working on paying off my debts and investing. I decided to hire a professional to help me accomplish this new mindset. I have learned so much, such as: focus on the future – sacrifices now means wealth later and financial creep – earning more means one is more likely to waste more, so plan where the extra will go. It is little nuggets such as those that make a difference in my outlook.

I feel very positive about this change, the new lifestyle that I will have, and the activities that I will be able to enjoy soon.

Seventh: Recreational Activities

Currently, I am not engaged in too many activities. I will continue to hike/walk and then I will pick something else to do. I need to make time to partake in self-care activities. I tend to neglect self-care because I do not like spending time on or with myself. Perhaps, I will make it a point to get massages or my hair done monthly or something. I think the best self-care activity currently would be to work on my nighttime routine. I know that starting over is never easy, but I am ready and motivated to be better than before. This time failing is not an option, I have learned lessons and I am stronger.

Life is a never-ending cycle until one leaves the earth forever, and depending on what one believes, it may never end. I believe that once I die, I will live an eternity in heaven, with no more worries or earthly concerns. As I look around at the world falling apart, I think, this has happened before – time and time again. It is only part of the cycle.

The cycle continues over and over again, leaving some people thinking that they are a part of a new thing. The world is full of ignorant masses, but this is not new, there have been ignorant people way before 2023. This is only part of the cycle.

The events that take place in my life are not new, they are recycled. People have been stricken with illness before, healed before, gotten a job before, quit a job before, and gotten another one before. People have been bombed before, mistreated before, born before, and died before. Life is full of recycled cycles. It is about how one interprets the events of their lives. However, even the interpretations are not unique or new.

This idea of having a social media culture is not new. The platform may be new but the idea of sharing a person’s life for attention is old. It is a recycled idea, just like everything else.

Our world, and the ideas of people wanting freedom, independence, and to be left alone to live a life that should be available to everyone is not new. There was slavery before this and they too wanted the same thing. The next time someone says something is new, kindly remind them that what they are sharing is a recycled idea presented differently.  

I have been doing my best to live a life based on faith. I believe my faith is able to put me in places where I should not be, and my faith is able to bring my name up in rooms where it has no business being. Faith is powerful – when it is lived consistently. Faith is believing in the unseen and knowing that all things will work out for the best.

Over the years, my faith has strengthened and been tested. God shows up and blesses me in magnificent ways, such as healing my physical illness or blessing my skills and capabilities. I am continually amazed by the blessings God affords me. As I recently was reminded that no, meant not yet.

I applied to this aerospace company and was ecstatic to learn that there was a role in which I would excel. Thus, I applied, interviewed for two rounds, and was almost offered the role, and then a hiring freeze took place. I ended up at a place that tried to challenge my skills and capabilities.

While I prayed for a better opportunity and work environment, I was being treated unfairly and told that I was not a good fit. Even though I was told these things by the manager, he did not fire me or write me up. I had a decision to make – either continue taking the abuse or leave. I chose to first report him to the VP, who said, “There was no malice in his heart.” After those words with the VP, the VP suffered a serious medical emergency, perhaps it was his wake-up call.

I endured a couple more weeks, then I decided to leave. I wished him good luck with finding a better fit. I know for a fact, that the things he said to me and how I was treated, he will get what he deserves.

I sat at home applying for a new job and thinking, wow, what will I do now for money, as I have bills. As the month comes to a close and there are a few bills remaining, I think what will I do about November’s bills?

Out of nowhere, this aerospace company calls me and says, are you still interested in working here? Of course, I replied, “Yes!” This place is really cool and it is a large company with so many opportunities to advance. I have been trying to break the barrier between analyst and manager for the past three years and will finally do it with this role.

I was initially shocked about the call, as I have not spoken to the manager since July of this year and the recruiter said, the manager asked me to give you a call. God truly is awesome! My name has been in rooms when I thought the doors had closed, I have been in roles that I have not been qualified for, and I have received blessings that I know I do not deserve.

I thought the hiring freeze was a no, but what God meant was not yet. If anyone recently heard a no, just hold on because maybe God has not made room, yet. Pray about it, it just may be a not yet!

Stay blessed and pray about everything.

I have so much to be grateful for; I honestly cannot name them all. First and foremost, I woke up this morning with all of my senses and body parts intact. I have – a bed to sleep in, a house that holds the bed, food to eat, liquids to drink, and clothes on my back with other options in a closet. There is the blessing that I have a car to drive with gas in the tank, and my monthly bills paid. God is so good, not only to me but to everyone; it is a shame that some people cannot see it.

I watch the news about the bombings between Israel and Palestine, Ukraine and Russia, listening to people pick sides. No side is worse than the other; they should be working out their differences peacefully. The real problem is, unfortunately, war is profitable. The Bible mentions there will be wars and rumors of wars, as these things have to happen before Christ returns.

Until Christ returns, it is so important to see the blessings of God. To know that God is always looking out for me despite the craziness I put myself in is nothing short of a blessing. I am so grateful that God provides me with His love, grace, mercy, and protection, as I would not last a day without Him or His gifts. He alone is God, perfect, and more than enough. I pray that everyone, every day, realizes that they too have a testimony.

To start a new venture is petrifying

              It makes one wonder if it is worth it.

As I sit and think of the possibilities

              I began to see the opportunities.

How do I break into an industry in which I have no prior knowledge?

              By taking advantage of hands-on learning, trial and error

Starting a new venture could cause terror

              Especially if fear overtakes the dream-bearer

I hate working. If there are others, then let us welcome each other to the club. I want to be positioned where I do not have to wake up, commute, or turn on a computer, to waste nine of my precious hours away. There are so many scams in which people get rich off the vulnerabilities and desperation of others, but if one thinks about it, they are rich and happily doing what they love, robbing people! I am not condoning or want to be a scammer but it is easy to see the benefits of scamming. However, scammers are liars and God does not like liars, so I will not become a scammer.

Seriously though, I waste nine hours of my day, minus commute time, to do unfulfilling work. It bothers me on top of this idea, that when I show up there, there are people who enjoy trying to make my life even more miserable than it is already. It bothers me that people are immature and refuse to mind their own business. At work, I am currently at the point where I show up, do my job, and leave. I try to interact as little as possible. Why? Because, those people are not my friends or family. This has brought to my attention another realization.

God has more for me than this. I am not meant to sit there and hate where I am sitting, wasting hours, and not having an impact on the universe. This phase where I am is not a place where I am meant to stay. I have to focus on restarting my business and giving it my all or I will always be stuck in this position. As many know, it takes money to make money, so I will continue to work at this place or another but spend the remaining of my waking hours on building my business. I am projecting that by spring next year, I will be working for myself full-time. I know this will happen because it has to happen.

It is time to stop speaking about it, dreaming about it, wishing about it, and to make it happen. I finally realized, what it is that will make me happy: working for myself.

According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, gossip is defined as “a person who habitually reveals personal or sensational facts about others.” As written in Proverbs 11:13 of the KJV of the Holy Bible states “A talebearer revealeth secrets: but he that is of a faithful spirit concealeth the matter.” I am a firm believer in trying to remain out of business that does not concern me. I understand that I have family members and friends who are part of different circles that they all care about, and that is great. In the event, that they care about something they will mention it but I do not have to partake in discussions or react in a way that is not authentic. I believe that Christ wants me to listen because sometimes people need a listening ear, not a commenting mouth. If advice is sought then I will provide it but other than that, I will respond honestly.

My response is normally, “I will pray for x” or “Tell that person congratulations.” I do not know why people get angry when I am not as involved as they are in the people that they choose to invest in. I do not have a reason to invest in certain people. As I mentioned in an earlier post, some people are not worth my time or effort so why waste the energy? I understand wanting to share a story or tell about something that was shared, but the ultimate question is: WHOSE STORY IS IT TO SHARE? If it is not the person speaking, to me, that is gossiping.

When I go to work and people ask about my family, generic questions: how many siblings, parents alive, live where, and so on. I do not share additional information. I normally say I have sisters and they live in x town or city and leave it there. If I were to indulge in stories about them when they are not present, then that is gossiping. Their lives are not my stories to tell, it is theirs. The world would be better if everyone stopped sharing someone else’s story. Let people share their own stories, because, after all, we cannot write other people’s lives.

And most importantly, that is called gossiping.  

Trusting myself still does not come easy. However, I am a lot better at it than I was previously. A little bit ago, I used my gut to tell me that a situation at work was not going to get better until I dealt with it head-on. Thus, I did, and I am happy that I did. I proved to myself that what I know to be true is true. To make sure that I was not just making this up, I let the problem go on for about two days and then faced it. I have learned that people will go as far as you let them, and they will treat you the way you allow them to and I was not willing to be in that situation, again.

I previously wrote about how everyone is not a good instructor. Well, I trusted myself to take control of the situation to ensure that I got what I needed out of training sessions. The other day, my manager stated that he is happy that I am taking the initiative to complete assignments despite the lack of time he has had to train me. This initiative he speaks of is one of my strongest skills. I like being able to find ways to do tasks easier or present them better. I like figuring things out and making connections, rather than sitting around waiting on things to do. There was a point where I had to wait for him to give me work, but once he trusted me to complete one task, I leaned into other tasks. It also helped to have the team level set on my purpose for joining, as they all held their work close and were hesitant to show me how different operating systems worked and the tasks they worked on.

As far as cowering in the corner goes, I no longer cower but I manage to stand there instead and peel my back off the wall to walk into the new challenge. One day, there will not be a corner for me to run to and I look forward to that day. This is unfamiliar territory and it can be a little nerve-racking when someone asks me what I think and I have no idea. I find myself listening and learning a lot. I asked for a challenge and this new sector is a challenge. However, it is not the only challenge. I laugh every time I go to work because the team gets super excited over the new things to come in 2025, so I have to suffer in the current environment until 2025 if God still has me there. This could be a good place as long as I remain close to work related to the supply chain.

Trusting myself is not as hard as I thought it would be, once I started really listening to myself. I have to ensure myself that what I am hearing is not negative self-thought or me reading too much into a situation. I have to make sure that my mind is not making situations seem worse than they are before I act on my instincts.

All-in-all, while I have not mastered this skill, I am a lot stronger! The chain of self-distrust feels looser and like it will be falling soon. Praise the Lord!

I celebrated my birthday all week last week and it was not how I thought it would be. I did not plan it well at all. Instead, I had caught COVID a couple of weeks before so it was important that I made it in to see the specialist and he was available the day before my birthday. Someone else had an appointment earlier that week that I also attended. I was told as I was approaching that person’s house that someone else could go, but I was like I am more than halfway there so I might as well take you.

Then a different person tried to ruin the day, but I was sitting too high to be touched with craziness. Whatever I do not involve myself in personally, does not matter. So, it did not matter. I took this person to the doctor, got some food, took the person home, and left. I went out to eat at one of my favorite places, that no longer tastes the same. That was disappointing.

On my actual birthday, I wanted breakfast. So I got up and went to a restaurant, also a favorite, and the service was so bad I left. I went to another place that I had not tried before and got served a bee in the hot syrup bottle. So, I canceled the order and left. I settled for Wendy’s, and let someone else drive while I fell asleep. Arrived at my house to rest. Then my Bestie made dinner and my favorite dessert, Rice Krispie Treats, but we were not hungry, so I went to sleep after thanking God for letting me see another year and to be surrounded by genuine love.

What a Birthday! Next year, I am planning better, still take the week off of work, be surrounded by genuine love, be grateful for seeing another year, and be so high that I cannot and will not be affected by the ignorance of next year.