It is common knowledge that one’s family has a genetic influence on who a person will be, however, I believe that although genetics are unable to be changed, generally, there are ways to differentiate oneself from family. For example, the people whose last name I share, are covered by illnesses, many of which are preventable and some that are hereditary. This family is sick mentally, physically, and emotionally. They are infested with and enjoy the company of demons. Well, luckily, we were able to escape most of them. We have been haunted by the demons that try to plant seeds in the slither of self-doubt that sits in our minds. Luckily, there are two of us, even if it is against a legion. This band of demons shows up to us in many forms, such as self-doubt, trying to convince us we are the people with whom we share names, and through our personal growth that feels like a failure.

While it may be true we share the last name, we are not:

G – Gates. That swings open and pray to remain open to the evil in the world while claiming that evil has made us better people   

A – Attached. To you or anyone else that bears this cursed last name.

T – Tempted. The temptation to enjoy the activities that you all enjoy has long since passed us. We do not find comfort in the same definition of family that you all share.  

E – Empty. Waiting on the darkness to fill us with all of the opposing blessings the Lord Almighty has for us.

S – Sham. We are not fake in how we feel about you or anyone else. We will not pretend to belong when we know we do not and we will not spend time with you when we do not share any commonalities.

We are not and never will be you. We are made differently on different paths, so the sooner you all accept it the easier it will be when you look around for us and we are nowhere to be found.

Keep praying for the world, because it needs prayers.

Every year when this time rolls around to discuss Black History Month, I recall middle school where I received an assignment. The assignment was to pick a famous black person and display that person in a school-made imitation of a wax museum. I was one of eight black kids in a private Christian school. When I told my mom about the assignment, she asked me who I wanted to be, and I remember telling her about all the slaves the class discussed, Rosa Parks, and others during the period of the 1960’s. Somehow, I ended up being Oprah Winfrey. I do not remember who the white kids were or if they even participated, it’s funny how some details disappear.

Anyhow, many years later my experience and take on Black History Month remains the same: all of the building of America and Black people have been diminished to a month. I remember being in college and an instructor dismissing the class early after I voiced my opinion on a topic we were discussing. She said that slaves were nannies who took care of white women’s babies. When I spoke up and told her, slaves were breastfeeding white babies because white women thought that breastfeeding their children would have a negative impact on their breasts even though their husbands were raping their black slaves and admiring those beaten-down breasts.

After I graduated from there, I moved on to University and once again took a course that discussed African Americans in Slavery. Many black authors were read in that course. One poem I really enjoyed was a poem called “And You Call Me Colored.” I have witnessed white people turning colors based on what was happening to them, and this poem states it so plainly. Not only was that poem impactful but there are a few strong Americans that I have always admired, which I will list below.

1. Malcolm-X. I admire him because, in his early years, his take was to give back to people what they give to you. Someone shoots your loved one, shoot theirs. Someone spits on you, spit on them. Why must one race of people be inferior to another?
2. W.E.B Dubois. I admire him because he was not only smart and educated but because he also stood for justice for Black Americans. He was stronger than most in his time. It is so interesting how when people name black people, they tend to name the ones who wanted to make peace in a time when all parties did not want peace. I am the one who will mention someone like W.E.B Dubois.
3.  My Mother. She has always stared people back in the eye and spoken directly to them. She has never been afraid to tell people of any race how she feels.

I heard recently a song that said, “They want our culture but don’t show love, They want our money but they don’t want us (Snow tha Product)”. She’s Mexican and it’s the same for darker Americans. White people bought Africans over, sold Africans to other whites, made Africans slaves, raped Africans to create African Americans. Then freed African Americans and the Africans that were left to still treat them disgracefully. There was segregation, hangings, little to no education, and abuse. As time moved, so did the types of abuses. Now here we are in the 21^st century and there are still hangings, even legislature to legalize hangings, segregation, lack of housing, lack of food, lack of employment advancement opportunities, disrespect, income disparities, legalized police murders, imprisonment disparities, and the list goes on and on.

For one month, maybe there should be an attempt at leveling the playing field for the darker Americans. Perhaps providing them with housing opportunities they can afford, providing increases and promotions if they earned them according to the same measuring stick that is used when measuring white Americans, and providing them with the same educational opportunities as their white counterparts, among other ways to level the field. Black History Month is just that, a month. During that month, darker Americans will still be treated the same, so carry on.

Dear Young Rhonda,

Everyone around you is doing exciting things like camping, being outside, taking trips, and living life. Trust me, when you get older you too will be able to enjoy those things. I know that you do not know what many things are or how to act in many situations because you are being groomed into someone else’s vision. Do not be angry instead, learn what you like and what you do not, because when you are older you will have to define Rhonda. I know there are no boundaries between your relationship with others and you want to be perfect, but it is okay to make mistakes. It is okay to be a child.

While many of your memories will be defined by illness and hospital rooms, remember to remain kind, and humble, and continue the journey with God. In the future, you will have time to enjoy the life and times that you dream of.

Dear Teenage Rhonda,

As you are growing into a woman, it is important to focus on standing up for yourself. You need to remain strong, and build independence because you may find yourself being dependent eternally on others. I wish you could have read this before, because you are wonderful, just the way you are, and deserve all of the good things that are coming your way. You are smart, beautiful, and capable. You are enough. Life may seem hard as you try to form boundaries, but remain with the task, there is freedom at the end. Walk outside of your comfort zone, be brave. Learn to take risks, mistakes are okay.

Dear Adult Rhonda,

Physically running away does not fix the need to mentally separate. Make sure you learn the difference. Be a resource without bringing home other people’s troubles. Life is looking up as boundaries are set and your immediate family is viewing you differently. Let their comments flow like water under a bridge. Do not harden your heart towards them but do not stand for their ignorance.

As you continue to walk into your being, put God first and let Him continue to guide you. Work hard and play harder, get outside and feel the breeze. You have been through so much and learned even more, you deserve to receive all of the good things that life has to offer. Keep doing things that scare you, like skydiving, and keep doing things you have never done before, like swimming in the ocean. Be careful and travel the world.

No one can stop you but you, so hold that close and go after the things you seek. Dream bigger, laugh louder, and love more.

Dear Senior Rhonda,

Looking back, you sure have lived. You have left no stone unturned, no question unanswered. As we prepare for the next journey, I hope you say you are proud of the things you have accomplished and learned so much from the things you have been through. I pray you carry no regrets or suffer from dreams that you did not make into a reality.

What a ride this life was, and what an amazing ride the next life will be. May God smile down on you and Jesus welcome you with joy.

You did well.

I have been consistently maintaining my mind shift change. Subjects that used to keep me up at night no longer hold space in my mind. The thoughts of others no longer hold me in a position of fear. I am free from thoughts that rendered me powerless. As I continue to move forward in this life, there is only one goal that I hope to achieve: living with Jesus.

I have found that as long as different topics arise, one can choose how one responds. I choose not to respond to ridiculousness. I choose not to waste time on matters that do not hold any value. I choose not to participate in situations where I have no business. It is not easy to make up one’s mind and remain with the choice, as there is always an opportunity to regress to how it was previously. Well, I made up my mind to remain moving forward and fortunately, for me, that means not returning to the thought that what others think or say has power over me.

As I continue to shift my mindset, I keep in mind, the image of my future self. As God continues to mold me and make me anew, it is important to not only change inwardly but outwardly as well. The way I used to speak; is no longer the way I speak today. The way I used to think is no longer the way I think today. Changing the way I think, has been imperative for my growth.

I am so happy that I have grown mentally because it has strengthened me physically. I do not have tears to waste in matters that are unimportant or that are holding me from moving forward. As they say, no one has a problem when you are beneath them, but as you start to mature past them, everyone has a problem.

I notice that more and more, people whom I do not associate myself with seem to have problems with me and know what, I do not care, because their issues with me will not affect me. I will maintain this mind-shift change and hope that others who are moving forward will continue to move forward.

I am so tired of people with excuses,

Why are you incapable of assisting?

I am so tired of people with excuses,

Why are you sitting back and watching the show instead of choosing to be the hero?

I am so tired of people with excuses,

Why do you leave the hard times to me and never once try to assist?

I am so tired of people with excuses,

Why do you act as if nothing is happening or that you are incapable as a human being to have empathy?

I am so tired of people with excuses,

So stop trying to create a reason to join my life and enjoy my happiness.

I am so tired of people with excuses,

That my response is, no, I am uninterested.

If people have excuses,

Keep up with them.

It is time to break the chain of excuses because excuses do not resolve any problems, excuses make people look incapable and confirm my thoughts of people being a waste of space. Stop with the excuses, and choose to break the chain.

Recently, I was told of some news that did not affect me in the way that people would have hoped, and I do not regret my reaction. Let me explain.

What I remember about my childhood is much different than what others remember. I am not here to discredit their truth, but unfortunately, for them, their truth is not mine. I was told, that my father was: present, bought me everything I wanted and more, I was his favorite, he spoiled me, he loved me more than he loved my other siblings (whom he did not assist in creating), and that he was great. I was told that he was on drugs, left around the time I got sick, and did not know my youngest sister.

What I remember of him was: waiting for him to pick me up and he never showed, him not being present when I was sick, him sending me and my sister $7 to split, and a picture of him holding the Bible telling me over the phone that he has changed and is getting better. I remember him speaking to my stepfather saying, “Thank you for taking care of my family,” and not knowing my youngest sister’s name.

Anyway, much time has passed since I have spoken to him on the phone or received any mail correspondence. My older sisters now and again, would bring him up into conversations of “remember when…”, and laugh and talk. Well, no, I never remember when. So, I received a phone call from my mother on 02/09/2024, saying, “Your dad is dead.” She sounded so, sad or something. It made me chuckle. I apologized but the thought of someone dying whom I did not know, was kind of funny. Especially, because I did not know the expected reaction. What dad? I said oh okay. Then she said, “he died on December 16, 2023.” I said “Okay, I never knew him so I do not feel any different than knowing he was alive. I am sorry, that I do not know how you want me to react but I did not know him.” She said to tell your sister, and I told her I would. Then my youngest sister said, okay and we moved forward.

About fifteen minutes later, my mother calls back and says, that she told my oldest sisters and shared details of their conversation. When she finished, I said “Okay.” I sensed some feelings of disappointment that I did not feel the way they all did, one way or the other, but I did not know him. The same thing happened when my cousin died, who is older than me. I never knew him either. All the stories they recalled, well, I cannot and will not spend feelings that I do not have on people that I did not know.

It amazes me how people who are bound and dragged down by their past and memories try to wrap that same chain around me too. I am not allowing it. Keep the chain that bound you to your past and memories remain around you, do not come lugging that over here and trying to throw it around me, because I am disencumbering my chains, not adding more.

I pray that my family finds the peace they need because until they do, they need to remain over there with their chains. I will not allow them to drown me in their past sorrows and pain. That is not my chain to carry.

I am not here to discredit anyone’s truth, but that truth is not mine. Again, remember that chain is not mine to bear. May God grant peace over the Long and Gates families and let His Will be done. And may R. Long, rest in peace.

I have been so full. I have been trying to carry the weight of my problems and everyone else’s on my shoulders, and found my knees beginning to buckle under the pressure. I maintained my strong face and stood upright as the pressure kept barreling down on me. I would turn things over to God but still relief was not felt at that point. The Lord God then made a way, when I said no, He made me say yes. I do not regret it, instead I praised the Lord that I responded with a yes. I thought while accepting His plan, this will set me back, this will cause me to not accomplish what I need to in February, but God!

I cried out and praised the Lord with all my heart and soul. He heard me and kept sending blessings on blessings. Blessings I experienced today and will continue to experience. There is no one like the Lord God, so hold on! Say yes, when the Lord God asks you to do something, praise Him and thank Him that you were able to do it! Keep the faith, your season of blessings on blessings is on its way. God is in the blessing mood.

Growing up, many children watched cartoons and television shows that showed either animals, kids, or adults with amazing character qualities or superpowers. So it makes sense, that children will grow up wanting to possess those abilities and characteristics that they have been shown until they see other qualities and abilities that people possess around them in the real world.

As I was developing into a little person, I wanted the ability to heal myself. As I mentioned before I was sick all the time and I wanted nothing more than to regenerate healthy cells to create a healthier, stronger version of me. Luckily, Christ stepped in like a superhero and healed me of my ailments. Then I wanted nothing more than to be bold, strong, and unstoppable. I tried and at first, it felt uncomfortable so I abandoned the thought that I could possess that power. A few years later, something miraculous happened. I walked into a bold tongue and a strong and unstoppable presence. It was at this time that once again, God assisted me in adding to the superhero that I did not know I was becoming.

As I look around, there are qualities that I wanted to possess, that others may or may not have had around me. I have taken the time and practice to attach those qualities to the superhero I was becoming. Today, I am the Superhero that I watched on television and I possess those qualities that I have seen in others that I had admired and made them a part of the person that I am today.

Thank God, that He placed the role model, Jesus, and so many others in my path for me to learn from. It is okay to only take the good qualities and characteristics of others and leave the rest, as long as it is aligned with who one wishes to become.

I have been trying to remember to write my blog on Wednesdays and Saturdays, but I keep forgetting to write on Saturdays. It gets on my nerves that I forget because I really try. Oh well, life goes on.

Here I am writing today, Wednesday and I will set an alarm to write on Saturday afternoons, hopefully, that will help.

Then I will be less mad at myself, going forward. Ahahaha

There are so many people in the world who do not have access to food that it is sickening. Here we are in 2024 and still, people are starving. The children, whose homes are unstable or whose schools no longer provide free lunches because it is too much of a burden for the government. Yet, the government will spend billions of dollars to fund wars that should not involve them. How does that make sense? There are elderly who are no longer able to work and should be enjoying their last years, but yet, some sit in houses hungry, feeling unseen, and concerned with whether they will have electricity or gas to warm their houses. It is amazing how someone can look at another person and not acknowledge their loneliness or hunger. We as a people have to do better.

I make it a habit to check on my mom to see if she has food, and bills paid, and to make her feel like she is visible. To see someone is to look beyond their physical appearance, one has to look into the conversation and truly hear what the person is saying or not saying. Some young people are hungry as well. They show up to community churches, parks, and other places where people gather in hopes of being offered food without being embarrassed. The Bible says to feed strangers, what is even funnier is when family members become strangers. Strangers because people do not see them, understand them, know them, or do not acknowledge them as if they are unfamiliar. We have to do better as a people.

When I see someone asking for food, money, or any assistance standing on the street. If I have money, I go and buy them some food and if I do not then I say a prayer, because God is able to provide more for them than I ever could. While that may not seem to be physically helping someone, I know that God will send someone to assist where I could not. I remember one time, I brought someone some food and they threw it away. I did not allow that to discourage me, because that particular person was beyond the type of help that I felt compelled to offer.

We have to do better as a people. Please check on the children, elderly, and friends that you have and know because they may be going hungry. Assist where you can and know that while your efforts may not change the world, it will at least change one person.