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SHIFT IN MY APPETITE

Recently, I woke up to discover that what I used to enjoy, I no longer do. Such as the taste of some black teas, or brands of water (yes, there is a difference in taste). I have also discovered that my taste for certain situations no longer provides the nutrients that I thought my body needed.

Through this discovery, I realized that it is true, every day I wake up is a day closer to my death. I also discovered this to be true as well; every day I wake up does not mean I am living each day to its full potential. What does it mean to not live every day to its full potential?

I know I was born with an illness, and that God has healed me from this illness. I also know I have chosen to do something that I have always wanted to, such as camping, experiencing a wind tunnel, or even trying new foods. I know that God has granted me years that I do not deserve to have, because, face it, to God, I know I am a struggle to deal with and am always veering off the path He has for me.

What do I do with these years that I was granted? I should choose to live them to their full potential. There are twenty-four hours in a day, eight of them should be dedicated to sleep, leaving me with sixteen hours in a day. Monday through Friday, eight of those sixteen hours are dedicated to my job, leaving me with eight free hours. What do I do with those eight free hours? On Saturday and Sunday, I have sixteen hours. What do I do with those hours?

Recently, I was diagnosed with another illness, and I am not worried. I know other people would be worried, but I truly am not. I know that God is a healer, and I know that God sometimes has to wake me up from certain behaviors, especially when I stray too far. Is this one of those instances? I do not know, but I do know that I am able to assist God in my healing. How? By doing the things that I should, exercise, moving, and living.

My appetite for living has changed. I want to live, I want to enjoy life, and go back to exploring, getting lost, and forgetting everything and everyone exists as I used to when I traveled the Parkways and walked in nature. I said before, it’s time to get back to basics, but what are my basics when my appetite has changed?

I will share what it is not.

I no longer need outside opinions when I want to do something. I used to ask for approval for everything. Now, I take the risk and do it. I am at a point where I feel that if it is wrong, someone will mention it, and if not, then I will not hear about it.

I am no longer passive when others begin to gossip, because somehow, I always find myself in it. I set boundaries. I do not need to hear the she-said-he-said. If someone mentions me behind me, so be it. If they say it to me, then let us open the dialogue. I do not need to be on someone’s side at work as if it is “Team A” or “Team B,” and no side can be wrong. I choose neither and suggest they connect to work it out like adults and colleagues. As I tell everyone I talk to at work, “I am saying nothing to you that I will not say to the person we are discussing.” It is important to level-set and let others know that I do not stand for the gossip or rumor spreading. For example, a peer at work shared that our new manager was pregnant. I replied, okay, good for the manager, and if the manager wants me to know, then it will be shared with me. That ended the conversation, and everything I hear is gossip until I hear it from the source.

I no longer accept ignorance. Now, this is a big one because there are a lot of ignorant people out there. People who choose to be uneducated, choose not to question the things they hear before they repeat them, and choose not to try prior to reaching out for assistance. I do not accept this and challenge those people to rethink before they approach me.

I no longer have patience for those who like to waste my time. As I mentioned above, there is a limited amount of time in a day, and I do not want to waste my time on those who do not value time. I no longer have the appetite for drama and those who like to stir it.

I realized that I have an acquired taste.

I like the taste, no, I love the taste of God. I love the taste of faith, hope, and endless love. Then, why did I ever stray from it?

I guess because I took those things for granted, I thought I would always carry that taste with me, despite my disobedience and the path I chose. Then I realized quickly that I no longer am able to feel those drops of endless love on my tongue; it is like a memory that I experienced that has left me questioning and wondering if I will ever taste it again. Thus, I am searching and longing for that taste; I need just a drop to let me know that I am getting closer.

I love the taste of healthiness. I used to be able to walk for a couple of miles, but now it is a struggle. I have to get back to where I was so I am able to taste healthiness again, and not sickness. I hate being sick, hate knowing that I carry a sickness, and even worse, hate that I am condoning my sickness because I am not doing anything to move towards the healthy life that I was given. Hezekiah did the same thing in the Bible. God granted him more years as well, and what did he do with them? Nothing, just like me. I do not want God to ask me, what did you do with the extra time I gave you, and my response is “run from you and die from illness.” How disappointing and sad.

I crave a life that I once tasted. The life of health, spiritual guidance, running head-on, knowing that I had the faith to face anything, peace, and carrying a love that only came from God.

I long for the acquired taste of life that God made just for Rhonda.

My basics start with re-establishing my relationship with God. I do not need an intercessor; I need to get back on my knees, pray, and confess. I need Jesus.

My appetite has changed; certain situations no longer provide the nutrients that my mind, body, and soul crave. I only crave the taste of Jesus Christ, and I have not tasted Him in a while. But here I come Jesus, to experience the life that is sweeter than honey and the living water that never runs dry.   Continue to pray for the world as it needs it.

I Am Back

Hello Everyone,

Happy New Year, it is 2026! It is astonishing how quickly time has passed since our last connection, which was in June 2024.

I made up my mind to get back to basics and found myself stepping away from many things to reconnect and rebuild my relationship with God. A lot has happened this past year and a half.

In June 2024, I was unsure of whether I wanted to keep this blog, so I stopped to test if I would miss it or would want to keep going. I found myself feeling less pressured to come up with topics. There are many people who say, “If you want people to interact with you, then you need to be consistent.” I tried to put out a blog every week on the same day, but found myself consistently missing the deadline that I set. It created more pressure when I started running out of things to write about. I appreciate the prompts, but I did not want a blog based on those prompts; I wanted real topics. So, I stepped away. It felt good to relieve the invisible pressure that I set on myself.

Now it is January 2026, and I have decided that I will come back and blog. I will blog because it is a good way to release feelings and it is therapeutic. Even if no one reads these blogs, I am able to track how I have grown and matured throughout this journey of life. I am able to look back at the times in which God has brought me through different periods and call them testimonies. I will not set deadlines for when I will publish these blogs, but it will be more than once a month.

For the remainder of 2024, I focused on work. I fully threw myself into it and managed to become a Subject Matter Expert in a year. It is amazing how God blesses me with knowledge and intelligence that I often take for granted because work has always come easily to me. How to create alignment and processes has always been second nature to me. I see problems, and I solve them, but when it comes to my personal problems, it feels impossible to solve. I suppose it is the axiom, how am I able to assist others when I cannot assist myself? Despite being unable to solve my problems quickly, I keep pressing and focusing until I start to make some progress.

In 2025, I decided that I would start doing my own yardwork, and the regret that I have with that decision is immense. I let family talk me into doing it myself, “it will be easy,” they said, and now I have overgrown bushes, burnt grass, and can barely find anyone to come and help me get it manageable again. My yard and house overwhelmed me in 2025, and it will continue to do so in 2026, until I am able to find professionals to assist me.

There is so much work that needs to be done that I honestly have been contemplating selling this house and all of its problems. What changed with this house? The immense feeling I carry of being defeated. I am not handy and have accepted that fact.

My grass is too much for me to handle; I have bushes that need cutting, and I do not have the tools to cut them yet. I have no furniture still, my floors are uneven, and water leaks throughout the walls. My pipes are outdated – made from cast iron, which means they will have to be replaced before the work is completed. I have two bathrooms, but only one shower is functioning, even though it periodically leaks.

2025 was the year in which I realized I was in over my head. I have also gotten into debt by trying to help others, living beyond my means, and not making the best decisions. So, I decided 2026 is about me. Finally,100% about me, and I am not sorry and do not feel bad about it. I have to get out of debt; I have to get this house fixed before the only thing I have left of it is the walls. I am breaking the chain of feeling responsible for everyone else and their problems. It is time for them to become problem fixers, time for them to do something if they want something.

Also, in 2025, I realized that while I love my hair, it is too much to manage; thus, I am going back to relaxers. I am tired of it; there is not much to do with it other than keep it braided, and I want more than an afro or braids. Even if I went to a natural hair stylist, the options are the same: twist, braids, or afro. It is funny how it took me almost two years to realize that. Natural hair is beautiful, but my hair journey was trying. I have been through the very short, barely any hair growth stage in which my hair was not happy, and I cried every night. Then, to the stage where my hair was stuck in a never-ending afro, seemingly to not grow but to say, hey, I am another item in your life you hate. Then off to the stage of slow growth, but healthy. My journey ends with my hair thick, healthy, and with little to no growth – 4C coily afro, and when it is combed out, a 4C fluff cloud. It is there on my head as a constant reminder of how I have no control over my life. I have not been able to tame it since the start of this journey, much like the realization I had of losing control of my life in the middle of 2025.

In 2025, I also decided that I would end Bible Study with my mother. I was the only one left in the group with her and felt that I was done with it. I was tired of discussing the same things; it kept going back to the same topics: family.

Speaking of family, I am tired of them, too. They are ridiculous. Some days I feel trapped, stuck. I just want to drive away from everything and everyone and start over. The animals are even annoying. The cat will not use her litter boxes; she has three, and the dog acts trained in the house and outside, forgets all training. I am over it. When they are gone, I do not want any more. I do not want any animals or additional people in my life.

What does my 2026 look like?

It looks like freedom. I am working on paying off my debts, releasing myself from expectations that I set on myself. It looks like the people around me finding their footing because I am no longer walking or standing for them. It looks like me smiling and fighting for my faith because this battle has not been easy over the last year. I have been fighting more demons in these past couple of months than I care to discuss. I have been fighting to pray, I have been fighting to hold on to God’s hand, fighting to see the light in the darkness, fighting to get out of bed, fighting to clean my house, fighting to speak kindness when my thoughts have been filled with anger, and fighting to LIVE because I couldn’t care less about what happens in life.

2026 looks like a fight in which I will have to win if I want to live. It looks like me coming out victorious, it looks like smiles, it looks like me enjoying every single day, and it looks like me living my best life. It looks like chains falling that may have re-wrapped me up in ways that I did not realize.

It is time to get back to living unapologetically with no regrets while keeping my foundation and life built on Christ.

Continue to pray for the world and the people in it because it is needed.

Blog

Hello everyone,

I am going to change the topics I discuss in this blog. Beginning Saturday, June 15, 2024, I will only blog about my Faith, Goals, Lessons Learned, Hardships, Hobbies, and Plans. I pray this will give me a better range of topics to discuss and keep me focused on my ultimate goal: spending eternity with Jesus.

I hope you continue to join me on this new journey and change of direction. And if not, I do not have any hard feelings.

Keep praying as the World needs it.

Still Thinking

I do not have much to say this time. Here’s a list of things I have been thinking of as of late:

  1. Finishing book 5, my goal is 10 and I am not sure I am going to make it
  2. I love my job, but I want to start my own company
    • Literally, I have no ideas
  3. I want to give back to the community but am struggling to find something
    • Guess I could go to the Shelter and cook
  4. Ending this Blog
    • Think I have ran out of things to say and/or I am in a better position and my life is boring
  5. New Hobbies
    • My life is boring!!!

Remember, Pray about all things especially for this world as it needs Jesus.

My Next Adventure

I have been thinking about what is next. Lately, I have been thinking of ways to give back to the community. I used to work for a company that supports their communities, and it was always rewarding. I miss the opportunities to give back and interact with different types of people. Thus, I started brainstorming ways to give back.

There are typical ways, such as helping people by giving money or volunteering at a food bank, but imagine if I owned a business centered around assisting the communities and those needing assistance.

I am waiting for God to confirm or lead me in the way I should go with this vision. I am thinking that I will buy a food truck, cook meals, and drive to people who are unable to make it to different resources.

I believe my next adventure is coming and I know that God will bless it and that I will be able to be successful in this endeavor.

Pray for everyone, as they could use the deliverance. 

That Used To Be Me

People would commonly say, what you do not like about someone is reflected in you. The things one does not like about someone else remind one of their insecurities or inefficiencies. I thought that phrasing to be correct until I realized that my not liking a habit someone has, has nothing to do with me being that way, rather it is a behavior that does not fit with who I am as an individual. For example, a rowdy person, I do not like that behavior because I am not about chaos, instead I prefer to have peace in my life.

I also realized that if one looks hard enough, there are plenty of opportunities to mentor or teach someone something. Before disencumbering my chain of being responsible for everyone’s output at work, I used to get stressed out and want to quit my job. I used to cry about it and complain to family about how no one cared but me, I used to dread coming to work because I knew it meant that even though everyone was collecting a paycheck, I was the only one working. Thank God that I was freed from that chain because I am now able to tell someone else to let it go. I am able to sympathize and empathize with others who are experiencing those same feelings.

As I said recently, you are not responsible for someone else’s work. You should be accountable for your work and let the rest go because you will lose sleep over tasks that are someone else’s responsibility. It is time to let it all go. If someone has questions, direct that person to the one who is responsible for completing that task, and stop answering for them. I know it is hard initially, but trust me, you will live longer if you let it go.

Pray for the world, as it needs it. Speak positivity over yourself and those you love.

I See You

When you feel like no one is watching you, I see you. I embody the emotions you feel as you feel them, it is like we are connected in more ways than one. When you are depressed or sad, I too feel miserable and depressed. I may express it differently so that you are allowed to experience those emotions because you should be allowed to live in that emotion temporarily. When you are happy or celebrating, I am delighted and cheering for you all the time.

When you think no one is paying attention I am. I see you when you feel unseen, I understand you when you feel misunderstood, and I hear you when you feel unheard. I understand you when you are speaking in circles and cannot find the words needed to express your thoughts. I am able to interpret your motions when there are no words to be spoken. I want you to know that I see you, hear you, understand you, and know you.

When you need someone to speak to and no one is there, I will always be there. When you need someone to listen to you, I will always be here for you. Yes, I may express my opinions but I hear you and I understand you. I know it is hard to understand so many but trust me, love conquers all. And I love you, together we get it.

I know you see me and maybe a little puzzled by me, but I know you see me. I feel you standing beside me just as I stand beside you.

Remember, when you feel like no one is paying attention, I always see you and pay attention to you.

Not There Yet

I found a place in my life that I need to work on, and it bothers me. I was told by my dad (stepdad) that I “do not have any street smarts.” And he was right. There were two instances, in which this was proven to me, so I am working on being street-smart. I have a lot of book knowledge, and corporate knowledge, and would not be able to survive on the street, Lord bless I never have to, but there are instances in life where I need to have more world knowledge.

My mom’s favorite saying is, “The world doesn’t owe you anything.” And I have found that to be true. I also read “What you ask for, you will receive.” And I have found that to be true. No one is as honest as they appear to be or as honest as I hope they would be, but I am finding out this is a part of life.

In one instance, I was selling something to an entity, and they provided a price. I got law advice and my mom’s advice. I went with the lawyer’s advice and determined; that I should have gone with what my mom said. In another instance, I was wronged and provided a high price. The entity was unwilling to pay and provided me a price and I countered but not by much. Afterward, I realized I should have asked for at least 10% of my ask.

Twice the ball was in my court and I lowballed myself. That hurts, but it is a learning. One that I did not catch on the second go around but I will on the third and going forward, hopefully.

I am not there yet, but soon I will be street smart too and have more knowledge of the world.

Continue to pray for the world and yourself as we could all use Jesus Christ.

In Between The Clouds

While looking up at the sky, I am overwhelmed with a sense of peace and amazement at everything the world encompasses. God made this place for man and woman to care for and enjoy.

While flying from one place to another I had the liberty to be between the clouds. I experienced feelings similar to being between the ocean and the sky! It is hard to differentiate which is which from afar, the same with the clouds. It was a solid realization that God is still magnificent and perfect. Despite being on a plane with others, who were talking, coughing, or snoring, I had this deep sense of peace. That all is well and all will be well.

I am far from perfect, but this grace that God has extended to me is perfect.

It is hard to believe that I am able to experience such wonders and sights. I remember thinking when I was younger, it would be awesome to jump from cloud to cloud! Here I am again thinking how wonderful it would be to jump from cloud to cloud and lay on one under the sun, feeling its warmth.

I could only imagine how great it will be to hang out with the angels that watch the earth from the heavens and how wonderful it will be to hang out with Jesus!

To know that this plane, which looks like a toy if standing on earth looking up, is probably a toy that God is watching from His throne!

How wonderful it feels to be under God’s watch and in His line of sight!

Being in between the clouds is truly an experience that I will carry in my heart even when my feet are planted on the earth!

Remember pray for the world and everyone in it as they need it!

Lacking

As I mentioned previously, there are some chains that I picked up that I need to put back down. Those chains include – the chain of lack of self-confidence, lack of self-care, neglect, poverty, helplessness, and so many others.

I have allowed my helplessness to bring a lack of confidence. As I mentioned, I am not the strongest hair braider and rely on my mother to braid my hair. However, I have noticed that if it is a style she does not like, then she will not do it well, so I end up taking it down anyway. Then I try to do it and of course, it comes out in an afro and looks unmanageable. I have realized that many things go into being confident and one of those things is looks. I dress well but my hair, to me, does not match my look and it is frustrating. In the end, it brings about a feeling of not wanting to take care of myself.

What is the use of caring about the clothes I wear if my hair is a mess anyway? So, I started halfway caring about what I put on. I have this great job but my look does not match it and it is annoying. I want to remain natural but I sometimes go back and forth with thinking that relaxers may be best. When I try not to think about it, then it comes out with me neglecting my hair or something else.

Speaking of neglect, not only have I neglected myself but I have also neglected God and the way I should go. I am doing better now, with making my way back to where I need to be, it is not easy to always go to God but it is always necessary. I am continuing to spend time with God and praying that I am doing the things that I need to do. I have found that life is getting better.

It is so easy to put chains on but so hard to take them off and hard to keep lugging them around. My current thought is, to do what makes me happy as long as it is aligned with God. So, maybe I’ll go back to relaxers, and try natural later if I want.

Remember pray about all things and for this world, as it needs it.