Lacking

As I mentioned previously, there are some chains that I picked up that I need to put back down. Those chains include – the chain of lack of self-confidence, lack of self-care, neglect, poverty, helplessness, and so many others.

I have allowed my helplessness to bring a lack of confidence. As I mentioned, I am not the strongest hair braider and rely on my mother to braid my hair. However, I have noticed that if it is a style she does not like, then she will not do it well, so I end up taking it down anyway. Then I try to do it and of course, it comes out in an afro and looks unmanageable. I have realized that many things go into being confident and one of those things is looks. I dress well but my hair, to me, does not match my look and it is frustrating. In the end, it brings about a feeling of not wanting to take care of myself.

What is the use of caring about the clothes I wear if my hair is a mess anyway? So, I started halfway caring about what I put on. I have this great job but my look does not match it and it is annoying. I want to remain natural but I sometimes go back and forth with thinking that relaxers may be best. When I try not to think about it, then it comes out with me neglecting my hair or something else.

Speaking of neglect, not only have I neglected myself but I have also neglected God and the way I should go. I am doing better now, with making my way back to where I need to be, it is not easy to always go to God but it is always necessary. I am continuing to spend time with God and praying that I am doing the things that I need to do. I have found that life is getting better.

It is so easy to put chains on but so hard to take them off and hard to keep lugging them around. My current thought is, to do what makes me happy as long as it is aligned with God. So, maybe I’ll go back to relaxers, and try natural later if I want.

Remember pray about all things and for this world, as it needs it.