Say It!

It is important to say what needs to be said, even when it may hurt the other person. When the message is delivered it needs to be short, concise, and a true depiction of one’s vantage point. If it is a personal feeling then express it. If it is fact-based then say it! I read that females tend to most commonly speak from emotions whereas males tend to speak based on facts. This is especially true in the workplace. There have been instances where I have said, “I feel like…” and the response is “Well, I am sure they did not mean it like that” or something of the sort. However, when I say on this date, this and that happened, which is the definition of discrimination or whatever, the response is very different. The complaint or discussion is now viewed as credible.

When outside of the corporate culture environment, it does not matter if what needs to be said is emotionally charged or fact-based, just say it! The feelings a person have is valid. I also learned that it is important to remember that all words have power, but the power is in the delivery. If I was at work and I said I feel like the team is discriminating against me, that will get the attention of HR, the Manager, and anyone else with a title that is privy to that information. If I say, I feel like they hurt my feelings, that has little power, people in the workplace are not invested in your feelings. However, telling a partner or family member they hurt your feelings could be powerful if they love you because they are invested.

Back to saying what needs to be said, a part of maturing is the ability to express oneself in a manner that is comprehensible to different persons. A person that I used to report to, had a bad habit of trying to tell me what I was saying. He would say things like, “Did you mean…?” or “I think you meant…”. My response one time was “No, I said what I meant and meant what I said.” His reaction was, “Oh, okay…” and he stopped trying to tell me what I meant.  I have learned and would like to share with you all: NEVER LET PEOPLE TELL YOU, YOU DO NOT KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN OR HOW YOU FELT because you do!

Another important lesson is: DO NOT LET PEOPLE LEAVE OR DIE WITHOUT EVER SAYING WHAT NEEDS TO BE SAID. Sure, it is uncomfortable, but the sense of relief that will be felt is worth being uncomfortable. I used to let people leave and I would dwell on the things I should have said and felt like if I go back to it now, then it is too late. How do I fix this now? I say what needs to be said. Just say it, the worst is that the other person will be mad and may not speak to you again. Well, good because they probably do not deserve you anyways. Just say it!