It is easy to blame oneself for everything that happens but it is important to show oneself love and forgiveness. As I mentioned last time, I am taking this one day at a time and I honestly have felt better since the week and a half I started forgiving myself. There is less pressure to be perfect while still maintaining my morals and beliefs. However, I no longer feel forced to hold on to past trespasses. I have traveled for work twice within that timeframe and have found that as long as I allow myself the space to make mistakes and learn from them, I end up being much stronger on the other side.
I continue to pray that Jesus helps me to forgive myself and learn from my mistakes. I love that He is a forgiving and merciful God. I love that He allows me to make mistakes and to come and speak to Him when I am at a loss or speak to Him just to share what I have learned.
I am about done sharing about my hair. This may be the last post about it unless it traumatizes me in the future, may the Lord forbid. I mentioned I cut my hair and it was okay. Well, I only did one side so when I went back to do the other side, the scissors were dull and I was to the point of seesawing my hair ends. I decided to go and buy some hair scissors but the costs were high, so I paid a professional to do my hair. I am so pleased with the outcome. It looks even, finally and the stylist said it is growing healthy and to stay on this natural hair journey. It was good to receive positive feedback on something I honestly did not know if I was even doing right. I am glad I took the chance to cut it and free myself from fake expectations of what I am not supposed to do. I am glad I allowed myself the space to try and take the risk.
Since taking the risk to try new things and forgive myself, I have found that I truly forgave the people in my life that I needed to. I let them go and the past experiences. I have decided to start from a clean slate without forgetting the lessons I learned, as I do not want to repeat those learnings. For example, just the other day, I planned to take the day off but the Director was asking work questions. I through email, as this is how we were communicating, told him that I would complete those tasks when I returned to work on Tuesday. I need to remember to stick to my boundaries. I am a sucker for losing my boundaries when a manager or someone that I report to asks me to complete a task.
Some days, I still fall but rising with God’s forgiveness, goodness, love, and mercy is not always easy but it is always the best choice. I thank God that I am learning to forgive myself!
Disencumbering my Chains 