Over the last week, God has been so good to me. My refrigerator has been going out for the past two weeks and I have not had any food for the past month! But you know, God is my provider. My mom goes to the store with her coupons and will get two bags of fries and call me and say, I have one bag and you will need to come and get the other bag, not knowing that I did not have any food. I reluctantly go and get it, telling her to keep it for when she needs fries later. Through encounters like that God has been providing me with meals daily. I may not have lunch every day or a full breakfast but there has always been enough food to sustain me and keep me going. So, I went to Sears and my sister bought us a refrigerator! I thank God that she was able because I have been in a tight spot for the past four months now. Every time I think I see the way out, something else happens and it diverts my resources.
God has healed me! Honestly, He keeps proving it to me daily. I went to get my hemoglobin checked (my normal three-month appointment) and again it increased. A normal person’s hemoglobin sits between 12 g/dL to 17 g/dL, mine used to sit at 6.2 and if it got any lower, I would have to get three pints of blood. Well, it has been increasingly higher and higher, not to normal levels but to its highest level yet, 7.8! That is incredible because I have not undertaken additional treatments or medications, but yet here I am at a 7.8. I have been feeling great, still with light headaches but overall, my health is great! My doctor, who is also religious, said, I would like to take the credit but I haven’t done anything. I looked at him and mentioned that he aided me with managing this disease, so feel free to take a little credit. He smiled and said, “I don’t know, there isn’t anything for me to do!” Many cannot understand how it feels to hear a hematologist speak those words. Who knows, I may be the first person who had Sickle Cell and eventually reached normal hemoglobin levels. God completes miracles daily.
Then I went to the dentist and received news that I may need to get a tooth pulled, a crown, or a root canal, depending on what I think is best. Everyone in my extended family has dental issues. They do not have teeth, or they have rotted out. They had broken crowns and dental diseases, I thought about how genetics play a part in your health and then I told my sister and she assured me that if I could face Sickle Cell Anemia, I will face this dental work that may not even need to happen. I thought about how easy it is to panic and lose sight of Jesus’ hand like Peter lost his focus on Jesus and nearly drowned. I thank God that I have someone there to keep me focused on Jesus and his never-ending grace and mercy. I am blessed, I will not worry about tomorrow because tomorrow carries its own problems and tests. My teeth are fine now, so I will focus on the next thing, God’s blessings!
As far as my job goes, I have been looking for a new one and found two that are willing to pay me $20k more than I am currently earning. Do not tell me what my God will not do. One is working for a ropes company and the other is working with a cigarette company. Both positions are good ones, but I have been praying for guidance as I do not want to be in my next company for less than five years. I am ready to settle somewhere. A place where I am not pigeonholed into one task but where I am free to continue to grow and a place where I like showing up. A place where the co-workers are not so bad, and the management is supportive. It seemed like both places are like that but I know when people are trying to sell you a role, it always seems perfect. I know that no place is perfect, so I ask God where I should be.
My hair is doing well! I am so excited to buy some scarves so I can start wrapping it up in different ways. I have to start working on combing it out more as it stays extremely tangled and it makes me cringe just thinking about combing it out. My confidence level in wearing it out as it comes is increasing but I think my sisters have anxiety about letting me wear it freely. We were raised in a society where straight hair is appropriate for everyone. Black women have been doing a good job fighting for natural hair, but do my sisters think that it is neat enough to wear in the workplace or public? I will have to break that thought within my own family as I will choose to wear my hair neatly wild. Today, for example, it is fluffy, wavy, and combed out, with neat twists on the sides (my sister thought this was best, as it looks neat). I was opting for the fluffy, wavy, combed-out, hair-all-over-my-head look. I keep telling her, I have to increase my confidence, so I can wear the scarves that I will eventually order, and she agrees. But I have a feeling that she will be dictating what is neat and acceptable to society. I know she loves me! I thank God that she does not let me go out into the world looking crazy but it may be time to redefine what are acceptable hairstyles for me to wear as I am natural now.
God is ever-present in everything that I do and everywhere I am, and I thank Him for that! When things are tough, like a charge comes through on my bill credit card that I did not expect, or if a bill does not take the money when they are supposed to out of my account and now the money has been spent on something else, I get angry and anxious but I remember who is in control. I do my best to let it go and let God. He is my provider, after all.
My mom said something to me the other day that I have adopted into my spirit. She said, “you know, I try to see the good in every situation.” I asked God to help me do that and I believe He has. I have taken that to heart and even asked God to assist me in learning the lessons He is trying to teach me. It is easier said than done but with practice, this will become a habit and make me a better person.
Disencumbering my Chains 