Starting new things is hard. I think I wrote something similar before, which means that starting new things does not get any easier despite the number of times you are starting something new.
My new goal to start is to reach my full potential. Well, how am I going about it? I am taking it one day at a time. I may be frustrated about the new thing on Monday and okay with it by Tuesday. The key is to just keep focused and keep trying. Don’t give up… it will work out.
I am focusing on three new goals beginning today:
- Reaching my natural hair’s full potential
- My full work potential
- Achieving Freedom in many aspects of my life
I am so glad that I am able to share this journey with all of you.
My Natural Hair’s Full Potential
So, on August 14th I got my last perm. It lasted three months. There it was the last time my hair would be pin-straight and highly manageable. I was happy to announce to the people that I knew that I would now be going natural. Embracing my natural curls and waves. Then November 18th came around and I looked in the mirror and announced to my roommate that I will be returning to perms. LOL. My hair was so dry, so tangled, and I could not comb through it with my fingers. I stood in front of the mirror and looked in horror at my hair. The honeymoon phase was over, it was time to either embrace this natural mess I had on my head or go back to the perm.
I chose to stick it out! I washed this mess, conditioned this mess, and put many oils on this mess. And when I was done, it still looked like, a mess. So, I decided to turn to the only person in the world who could help me at this point! My MOM!!! I drove so fast an hour and a half away to have her braid it. I did this for weeks until my edges turned tender. Then I had to give the braids a break. Once again, I washed, conditioned, oiled, and conditioned once more my hair and twisted it. Today, I feel pretty, like my natural hair is finally loving me back.
Lessons I learned:
- Nothing is ever easy if you really want it
- “Do not be so quick to give up, show love, and love will be received” (Roommate)
- Pray over all things (believe I was and am praying the Lord God Almighty continues to grow and make my hair more and more manageable for me)
My Full Work Potential
I have been at this place of employment for a year and a month now. In the beginning, it was great. My Manager appreciated the work I did and trusted me to complete my work without micromanagement. My Manager and I spoke daily, multiple times a day about projects, tasks, life, and anything else in-between. It reminded me of the relationships with managers I had in the past that were amazing. I loved this job and my role and was proud of the work I completed. Then came my review and I found out what the Manager thought of me. It was the Manager that suggested that my work was exceptional, that fed me the confidence needed to score myself so high and then I realized the Manager may have felt that way about me but was either too afraid or too insecure to admit it on paper. Remember, I wrote about my review and the exceptional grading I know I deserved versus the meets expectations grading the Manager felt I deserved, so I will not go back there. Anyways, after that moment my role was reduced to that of an assistant. My work is mundane and repetitive. We no longer talk longer than two to three minutes a day; sometimes we do not talk at all in a day. I am not upset about the Manager’s misunderstanding of the grading, I make small efforts to have a conversation asking about the Manager’s hobby or sharing something I did over the weekend but it’s all forced and I can feel it.
I know that I am a rare worker to find. I actually want to work, I want to be productive throughout the day, and I want to pick up projects. So, why haven’t I? Well, I find something and present it to the Manager, who either says, “don’t worry about that” or “right now, we need to focus on…”. Leaving me at a loss for finding meaningful work.
The theme seems to be that companies hire me because I have many skills and talents, and once I am hired, I prove that I am able to make a difference in their practices, processes, or create a new way of accomplishing a task. However, once I have impacted them positively, and received accolades from people whom I have never met, the manager feels insecure or challenged by my unquestionable progress within the first year. And when comes time for reviews they by some strange fate never provide me with the markings I earned. I then get tasks that are equivalent to an administrator. It is no secret that I am normally the only female on these teams, perhaps, that is why I am getting assigned these tasks. Well, I do not make a great secretary, I am a data analyst that happens to be great at her job. So great that I am the only one on this current team that receives requests from the Leadership Team to provide them with cost analysis, financial analysis, and/or competitor research information. Whose fault is it that I happened to have been blessed to be born a female with amazing talents and skills?
Well, I am not the group’s scheduler or planner. If I am able to manage my calendar so, can they. How did they do it before I was here? That is what they need to go back to, they look at me crazy when I tell them they can arrange meetings or other administrative requests they ask of me. Luckily, this is not the only place in the world where I could work, so I will look for my next place of employment.
Lessons I learned:
- Don’t give up on finding a place in the workforce where I fit
- Man does not justify my worth (it took me a while to realize this one)
- This may be a calling for me to do something else, perhaps focus on my business
- It is time to get serious about saving my money so that I have a cushion for the day, in which I say I quit or get fired
- Pray through all things, the easy days as well as the hard ones
Achieve Freedom
I have a longing to be free! I have no idea how to implement that in my daily life but in my soul and spirit I want to be free, absolutely free. I want to do things that I love: talk to God all the time, cook, travel, take pictures, music and dance, become an expert in weapons, and enjoy sunrises and sunsets from mountains and beaches. Maybe that’s my definition of freedom. I do not want to work this job or any job, I do not want to worry about money, bills, food, clothes, or anything. I only want to focus on the things I love to do. I do not know where to start with this goal. Perhaps, I need to break it down. Like personal freedom, financial freedom, religious freedom, and professional freedom.
As far as personal freedom goes, I need to make it a point to go out and do the things I love. No one ever got really good at their craft by dreaming about it. Thus, I need to get out there and do it! Focus on one hobby at a time, who knows maybe that will lead to opportunities.
Financial freedom needs to be a priority as well. I have a lot of debt, in my personal opinion, that I could pay off if I had the discipline to do so. It is a matter of asking myself if I truly want to experience financial freedom or not. The answer is yes, not because of the pressure to say yes, but because I do not want to have any worries. I do not want to wonder what to do when I am out of gas or charging expenses to my credit cards. I need to be free!
Religious freedom is taken for granted by many. Remember, I went to Cuba and listened to a pastor tell us he could be persecuted for hosting church? Well, here I am not freely soaking up the religious freedom I have here by not living my full Christian life to the extent which God intended. He never intended for me to worry, so why am I worrying? He never intended for me to not have an abundance of goods, so why am I acting like I do not have enough? The truth of the matter is, many are not living their full potential because many block the advantages that God provides. Well, not anymore. God is my provider and all things come from Him, so all of these freedoms I am mentioning will happen as long as I trust the Lord God.
Professional freedom will be achieved as I continue to stick with creating a successful business. It is time for me to focus on my business. I know God has more for me than the jobs I have worked, the Bible says, “Now unto him, that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us, Unto him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus throughout all ages, world without end. Amen. (Ephesians 3:20-21 KJV)”.
Lessons I learned:
- To accomplish anything, it takes discipline
- God is the only one who can provide freedom in all aspects of life so pray often
3. Be dedicated and define success for oneself, success is subjective
Disencumbering my Chains 