Discipline

Today I realized that I do not know what discipline means. So, I Googled it, and it reads “to train or develop by instruction and exercise, especially in self-control.” Well, what does that mean to me? That in order to have a greater sense of self-control, one must train or exercise the mind to follow and obey a set of values.

What are my values? What are the three things that guide or should guide my life?

Here is the truth, I have not been living by my values or even been determined enough to follow the values that I set for myself. Why is that? Well, I lack discipline. Another truth, I make myself physically sick with my choices and behaviors. I was told it was because I do not allow myself enough grace to forgive myself. The truth of the matter is that I make myself sick because I know the difference between right and wrong, there is no grey area when it comes to obeying and disobeying. I knowingly disobey and make myself physically sick. How do I show myself forgiveness when I am knowingly sinning or disobeying God’s laws? I ask myself if Heaven is where I truly want to be, and I say it is, but my actions say otherwise. Oftentimes, people bring sickness to themselves through their actions, and I have realized that I am one of those people.

Thus, today, I have decided that I will begin to train myself to follow my values once again.

Values:

1. Faith in the living God, Jesus Christ, and listening to the Holy Spirit
2. Love for family, friends, strangers, and most importantly myself and the ability to forgive me when I fail and show myself grace when I try again
3. Acknowledging my Truth and Being Honest
4. Freedom

Things I need to give up:

1. Excuses for why I am unable to spend time reading the Bible and focus on training myself to do better
2. Excuses for why I am unable to have the discipline I need
3. Excuses for why I am not following my values

I love God but I realized recently that I am not as in love with Him as I thought. I put myself first before His Will and Way. I realized that I am selfish. I ask and ask but never give up anything, so I am going to give up my heart and soul truly, again. I know that I am saved but if my thoughts or some actions were brought to light, who I truly am and what I stand for may be questioned, and rightfully so. Some days I feel like the biggest hypocrite and that was something that I never wanted to be.

It is important to have people around you that do not suffer from group thoughts or think the same as you because as I have realized there is no one to question your actions or challenge you to be better. I have always been a loner. I do not have friends, only family. So, it is hard to find someone that truly questions my behaviors and calls me out on my goals and where I am trying to go. They all think and act like me or me like them. I will have to really focus on being better and surrounding myself with God and listening to Him when He calls me out.

I have to be better to get to where I want to go. I have to do better to get to where I want to go. I have to know that I know better to end up where I want to be, which is with Jesus for an eternity. Today is November 18^th, 2022. I am determined to be a changed person beginning today and for the rest of my life. I know that I will not be perfect, but I will be disciplined.  I will be better than I was yesterday and all the days before today.