Lately, I have been so sleepy at work, I feel unmotivated. It all started when I realized the company is unable to recognize my exceptional talent and connect it to the proper rating. Once I worked at a job in which the manager told me, “Your reality may not match someone else’s perception.” I thought I knew what that meant until I truly experienced it during my current review.
I was tasked with lowering the number of accounting issues that our group handled. Well, when the Director was handling this task, it remained uncontrolled. Then the task was passed to my Peer. While my Peer handled the task, it remained uncontrolled and I learned that invoices were being paid due to the lack of knowledge or pushback from this Peer.
This task was officially handed over to me on March 21, 2022. Within five weeks I had decreased these accounting opportunities by 63% with verification. I graded my performance in handling this task as exceptional. I am able to maintain this decrease and since then have decreased it by another 2%. This is what I do, I make things better! I make these tasks manageable and reduce the time spent so that the team has more bandwidth.
Well, my Director acknowledged the work and said that is great and gave an “Exceeds Expectations” marking. We conversed about this review, and I thought it was great to have open dialogue, but I was most definitely delivered the short end of the stick as my overall grading was “Meets Expectations.” I made it known that I know my work is exceptional and that is what my performance reflects. I considered changing my work pattern to match the Director’s rating but that is not who God is designing me to be. Instead, I will keep being exceptional, professional, and above the Director’s rating. Not long after this meeting, I noticed things starting to change a bit at work.
For instance, I am being left out of meetings and now rarely am I a part of conversations. Most recently my attendance was in question. We are in a hybrid model at work, three days in the office and two days at home, I show up Monday through Wednesday and the latter part of the week at home. Well, I have been coming in from 7:30 to 16:30, with no questions asked. Recently, the times I am present in the office were mentioned by the Manager, and when I asked why this came up, I was told that Management wants to make sure there are people in the office when they are assigned to be, not just me but everyone. So far nothing else has been said since, but if the Director or Manager says that I must be present at a different time, I will not be surprised or worried. It is remarkably interesting to watch people change when they do not agree with the opinion that you hold of yourself.
It may be true that the Director’s perception of me is different than my reality, but I will not allow that perception to define me. I know who I am and the quality of my work. I have learned that I have allowed so many people to define me and it feels good to finally know who I am and to stand up for what I believe in. For so many years I have allowed people to tell me what I am capable of, and it feels good to tell others what I am capable of. It feels great to say “no” at work and to declare my truth. So many times, I have shut that part of me down and ignored the way I have felt to accept others’ opinions, thoughts, and views. Well, not anymore.
I am Rhonda Gates, an exceptional person who has the power to speak the truth with boldness and courage. The funniest part of this entire experience is that normally I would be sitting at work, sweating, and feeling like the words, “you’re fired” will come at any moment. Well, this time, I feel comfortable, I am not paranoid, but I am aware of my surroundings. I am not hoping for the words but if they come, I will not be surprised or feel worried. I do not feel like I need to apologize for being me for once in my life! I honestly have never felt more at peace than I do now. God the Father is Awesome! I have watched myself grow in just this one instance and look forward to growing, even more, I can only wonder what Rhonda will look like as I get even closer to God and Jesus Christ.
I have not decided if I am going to look for another job as I honestly feel so bored that I fall asleep while at work. I have written this at work due to the lack of work. I feel like God has something great for me and I cannot wait to see what it is! I feel like I could just leave this job at any moment without a safety net and know that everything will be okay. I feel like I could jump out of a plane and not second guess my choice because I know that no matter what I do, my Father will catch me! I feel Him around me and I am asking for guidance and to order my steps as I do not know where He wants me to be, but I am ready to be led and to go without second-guessing the mission. One of my favorite verses (Psalms 27:1) in the Holy Bible says, “The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? the LORD is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?” If the Lord is for me, then who could be against me? Exactly, no one! I am on fire for God, and I intend to stay that way, even when I fall, because I know I am able to get back up.
Disencumbering my Chains 