One day I woke up with the book The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren on my mind. So, I dug through my boxes and found it. Decided I would start reading it every day until it was complete; it is a 40-day life examining journey. The reason for me reading this book is to learn my purpose for being here on earth. I read it and walked away, feeling like I wanted to learn and know more about why I’m here and about God. The book points out you are here for God’s purpose and plan, and one needs to look hard at themselves and be honest about how one is using their skills to display God’s glory.
Once I was done reading the book, I decided I would start reading the Bible. Warren also provides a suggested 365-day plan on how to read the Bible or Word of God. I am 97 days into reading the Word, and it is one of the best things I have done in my life. I have always known God to be excellent, powerful, almighty, forgiving, and with unmatchable strategic planning skills, but through reading the Bible, I can envision it for myself and truly understand it. I have also learned that God is brutal, fierce, jealous, and condones death and destruction.
I have been told things that I have not found in the Word, which makes for interesting conversations. I have attempted to read the Bible before, but I was younger, clueless, and did not know how to question or research God properly. Thus, my previous attempts were unsuccessful. I was not spiritually mature to realize the Bible is more than a book to say I have read. It is my moral compass on how to enjoy life and live in the best place ever imagined: Heaven.
Through reading the Bible, I found out and discovered that I did not know God as I thought I did. I did not fear Him as I thought I did, and I did not understand Him as I thought I did. I was raised without a father, so I always had a fear of my mother, never experienced the fear of a father. It was difficult for me to truly fear God until I understood that my situation and lifestyle, blessings, and life depends on my Faith in Him. That is scary and is enough to make you fearful of Him. Just imagine if I one day walked away from Him knowingly and chose to ignore Him. Wonder if He hides his face from me as he told the Congregation of Israel at the end of the book of Deuteronomy?
I also understood that He is a loving God. He wants me to succeed and to live a fulfilling life. He wants me to enjoy all that He has created for me. It is interesting how I was raised not to play with the Devil but was not told the same thing about God, other than you cannot be lukewarm or play the fence with God. If invoking the Devil is forbidden, so is provoking God. Often in the Bible, the Congregation of Israel provoked God to destroy them by worshipping idols, committing adultery, and other sins. If it were not for the direct contact God had with Moses or Joshua, to name a couple of leaders, many people in that Congregation would not have survived. God is not a toy to be played.
I also wondered how come God is not physically present here today? He was present physically through clouds, fire, and a man that physically wrestled, why isn’t He here? I also thought about why God chose the people He did to lead others. Matthews 15 says what is in the heart comes out of the mouth (of course, I paraphrased). He chose those prophets because although they sinned, their hearts were right, and when they asked for forgiveness, they made it a point not to commit those same sins. Then I started listening to what I was physically saying and doing. And honestly, my heart is not right. I am quick to say, “Lord, forgive me” or “Lord, I’m sorry.” But I kept saying the same things. I would talk about people’s hair, clothes, accents, words, even cars… like I am any better.
I would talk about people’s intentions based on previous experiences. I would have evil thoughts about people, preplan mean conversations. But not anymore. I am done! I want to have better thoughts, and I want nothing but goodness in my heart. I want to speak kind, loving words from the heart. So, I told my best friend, I am getting my heart right, and I need your help. Now she laughs and says, “I can’t tell you because I need to get my heart right too.” We don’t hide our thoughts, but we no longer encourage each other to think the old way we did. I try to truly see the best in people now and be honest, as I vowed before in one of my previous posts.
Getting my heart right involves more than thinking good thoughts. It is a lifestyle change, and it is hard, but I must start somewhere. Remember, the hardest thing to do is start. When I first started reading Purpose Driven Life, it was hard to keep it up every day, but I did. When I started reading the Bible 97 days ago, it was and is difficult, but I am doing it. There are times where a movie is on, and it is a good one, or I am tired. But I ask myself, how important is this to me? The answer is VERY! My Soul depends on it. So that means I must act like it. I will not lie and say that I have not skipped a day or two, but when I do, I make sure to read double so that I am not behind on my yearly plan, and to give it double the study time and attention I would regularly. I make sure to talk to God and not lie to Him. I tell Him, I was tired, or I wanted to watch the movie, please forgive me for not putting you first. It is hard to be honest with God. That’s funny, within its self. How many times have someone around has said “honest to God”? Yet, they may not have been honest with God.
It is hard not to pass judgment. I am not perfect or holier than the next person, so please do not get that impression. All I am saying is that getting my heart right and being honest with God is hard. Talking to God and living as He commands means that I had to revisit the activities I took part in and ask God if it was a sin if I needed guidance. God has not physically spoken to me since I was 16 years old, so no, I did not get a physical “yes” or “no, Rhonda.” Instead, the Holy Spirit within me makes me feel guilty or ashamed after I partake in the activity. That is God’s yes or no to me. I must learn to listen to the Spirit before I participate in the activity so that I am able to avoid feelings of shame or guilt. I love the Lord, and like many other lessons, love is easier said than done. It is effortless for me to say I love the Lord but trying to live as I love Him is a struggle. Just like with regular people.
It is easy to tell people that they are loved, but sometimes people have unreal definitions of how love looks. Some people think that love looks like running to their every cry or doing everything they request of you. Sometimes love looks like abandonment. If you let the ones you love sink, they will learn to swim and realize that being left alone means they are self-sufficient and survivors. After these instances, it is essential to have conversations to tell the one that is loved the reason behind this abandonment. If they sink, then love should look like a rescue. It should never be a means of drowning. Some people may think that love is pain, but love should never ever cause pain, physical, mental, or emotional. Some people may think that love looks like fear. Loving people out of fear is not love either. Love is a mutual contract where both parties are comfortable, honest, and vulnerable.
I have been scarred by being vulnerable. It is hard to be open and honest when people use your vulnerability against you. I once shared a personal experience with another person then it was shared, it is hard to open up after something like that, but God has a way to restore your faith in humanity and to let you know that all people are not like that one experience. Imagine if I let that one bad apple ruin the sweet nectar of all apples. Life has so much more to offer, but only if my heart is open and right. Every day I wake up, I remember that I am unable to tell others what is right or wrong for them, only they can make that decision for themselves. I want the good that I know is in me; the good that God sees to come out of my mouth. As the scripture says, what is in the heart comes out of the mouth.
Listen to your words to find out what is in your heart. Is your heart, right? Do you want to get it right? What steps are you taking? Feel free to comment below your thoughts, only respective positive posts, please.
***I normally post on Fridays, but lost track of the days! I look forward to reading some comments. And I hope you look for the next post this Friday!***
Disencumbering my Chains 