Reflection

Very rarely am I left to my own thoughts. Truthfully left alone to think, feel, experience the world around me alone. So, I recently established time for me to read and pray to God for guidance every day two times a day. However, I have not set aside time for me to reflect, honestly reflect. I did not know what experience to reflect. Often, I would listen to people say, “I reflect and write down life’s lessons.” Then I would tell myself I will try that, but it’s too quiet and too lonely in my head and space.

Recently I journeyed to a cabin to enjoy an honest vacation, away from the noise and work. I took this vacation for a week, from Sunday to Saturday, and found that I like being away from home, work, and noise. I enjoy doing nothing. I left the cabin and explored the mountain but found myself gravitating back to the cabin. I do not like the sound of cars, people talking, or dogs barking, and that is precisely what I encountered during my week. This trip was meant for me to escape.

Then one of these days, the person I was with fell asleep, and I was not tired, so I was left to try and find something to do. It was during this time that I realized or reflected that I do not like being alone and that I do not know what to do when I am alone. Playing billiards could be fun alone if I wanted to practice. Enjoying the hot tub could be fun if I wanted to be alone, but it would be lonely.

I took pictures of the mountain and the storm that was headed this way, but how many photos would I need to take to recall this moment? How does one reflect, which experience should be in focus? What does one do with it once reflection is complete? So, I completed a little research and discovered that I would need to set aside some time to learn how to enjoy myself by myself with myself and how to reflect.

I suppose me journaling this very subject is an excellent example of my practice of self-reflection. Let’s use this cabin vacation for an example of my self-reflection. I read that I am supposed to go through my thoughts and emotions, so here goes. I was very excited to spend a week in the mountains without my pets. I was excited to be away from work, away from home, eager to celebrate another year and a new job. Then I arrived, and I felt like “oh no” because this particular cabin is in a community. I did not want neighbors or people that are within proximity to where I would be. Neighbors mean traffic and animals, possibly music and loud conversations, and I was here to relax and get away, de-stress.

I called my family to let them know that I made it safely and do not call me for a week, except for on my birthday. Overall, it was a decent first-time cabin experience, but here are my complaints. The beds were so uncomfortable; literally, the hot tub was mandatory therapy to get the cramps out of my neck, arms, back, etc. The mountain view was not as I imagined, and the televisions did not work. Dogs barked all the time, cars were loud, and there was frequent traffic.

However, I woke up every morning to a picturesque view of clouds, trees, and the mountain as the backdrop. To counter the stiffness suffered at night, there was a hot tub waiting for me to jump in and enjoy. Although the televisions did not work, I had the opportunity to practice my billiards game. I also learned some things about myself.

In addition to learning that I still do not like people or loud animals, I realized that I do not like to be by myself. I realized that I know how to keep promises, but I have to be patient with myself and how to say no to situations that are against my core values. Someone asked me to write down what I value. I wrote down: integrity, love, family, honesty, and faith. I believe that everything that I do, every response, every word that comes out of my mouth, should reflect all of my values, not some, but it does not. Many times, when I respond, all of my values are not present when talking to certain people; I still speak from a place where I feel that they expect me to speak. For example, if my manager is speaking to me, I may reply as an employee should, not as my values would. I will get there as long as I continue to get stronger within myself, be more confident, know my worth, and learn to stand up for my values.

Through research again, I found that self-reflection assists with discovering who I want to be, assessing where I am within the journey of becoming who I want to be, then creating action steps to get there. This cabin example assisted me with confirming or re-examining who I want to be, assessing where I am in my journey, and now I realized I have an action step out of this experience.

Action for the week: speak from my core values, no matter the other person’s reaction or response. I must take this step to disencumber the chain of being placed in someone else’s box that was created for Rhonda!