Nature

Not too long ago, I decided I wanted to go and see Pilot Mountain in NC, up close and personal. So, I got up intending to go to see this mountain. I called my mom and said, “do you want to go?” She said yes, so my sister and I packed a lunch for the three of us and went and picked her up. We drove about 5 hours to this mountain. It was during this ride that it came to me… how come I have not been speaking to my mom regularly? Do I want her in my life? What type of relationship do I want with her?

I decided that I do want her in my life, and I want a relationship with her. So we spoke on an adult level for truly the first time of my life. We spoke about my new goals, dreams, and where I am going. We talked about God, Faith, and love. We laughed and got teary-eyed as we swapped stories of success, hopes, how far we came and have to go.

I realized during this drive that my mom wants the best for me, but her the best means her having a substantial influence on what I do or how I act. So, instead of avoiding disagreeing with her, I chose to have a conversation. I told her as a daughter should, with respect and love, that I do not think I would do that, or that option isn’t for me. But I did choose to do it like this. We were able to maintain our peace and not get distracted with anger. Then, we arrived at Pilot Mountain.

The mountain from the road made me grateful to see it; it stood tall with trees growing from the top. The trip was worth it. Then we got to the way that leads us to the top of the mountain, and there was a Police Officer, who informs us that the park is closed for now because they have to limit the number of persons during this COVID outbreak. We turned around. My sister and mom were not saddened, but they were hoping we would see it next weekend. I was bummed. I was so upset that I couldn’t see this mountain that I was set on seeing. We pulled off at a park and ate our lunch and talked some more before heading home.

My mom fell asleep on the way back, content with just the thought of spending this time with us and talking to me. Getting to know who I want to be and what I expect out of life. She was content with the drive and what she saw coming from her town and traveling to another. She was happy that we had a chance even to view this mountain from the road. And there I was heartbroken that I didn’t get close enough. This realization didn’t come to me at that moment, but it did later.

My sister was excited that we got out despite COVID and drove to see the mountain. She was excited to check in on our mom and to listen to her. She was excited to be in the car with us and to enjoy the conversations that we had. We laughed and truly enjoyed each other’s company. But not me at that moment. I was sad that I didn’t get a chance to see the mountain.

So, I became toxic. I told my sister, this trip was a waste of time. I’m mad we didn’t see the mountain, and I wish that we came earlier. I acted like the mountain was going to leave its site that evening and that it was here visiting like a circus coming to town, and this was the last day. Have you ever became toxic?

Soon my sister stopped talking to me, she stopped trying to cheer me up, and we drove in silence. Then I spotted a sign “Transportation Museum.” I said, let’s go there. While still being toxic, I said, can you get over, or will we have to turn around? As if she couldn’t drive. She said, I have it, and we pulled into the Museum.

My mom woke up and said, where are we? I noted the Transportation Museum, now a little happier. We parked and walked around. Another goal of mine is to take pictures on the train track. Why? Well, I don’t know, but I always wanted to do it. And here was plenty of tracks to make my dream come true. So, I jumped on a track and made my sister take a lot of pictures of me on the track. Finally, I was satisfied. LOL…

We walked around looking at all of the trains, and they were cool, and at the old cars. Then I saw him. Train 611! He was big and beautiful, taller, and looked darker than all of the other trains. He drew you to him, made you stop and stand before him. Then as we were leaving that train, I turned to my sister and apologized for being toxic, and then I saw him. A beautiful butterfly that posed for me, turning around so I can view him from every angle. He turned in a circle, and then once I captured him from every aspect, he majestically flew off. I had to pause and apologize to God for being so ungrateful.

I thought about how He woke me up that morning, set me on my way early. Then I became upset when I couldn’t get close to the mountain even though I captured a much better picture of the full mountain than I would have if I were up close. He kept us safe on our travels there and back and as we detoured to the Museum. He then allowed me to stand and take pictures on the train tracks and allowed me to contemplate the skill he blessed man with to build a majestic train like 611 and to witness his beauty in the butterfly. I was nearly brought to tears because of the shame I felt and how I tried to ruin the trip for my sister.

I learned a lot that day. I learned that God will sometimes let you enjoy the big picture so that when you see it up close, you will appreciate the small picture as well. I learned that I have a lot of growing to do. I sometimes still react as a child instead of an adult. Maturity comes with experience. While I grew up to understand my expectations in my relationships, I did not grow outside of that. I learned that beauty is in the small things, such as the butterfly, the drive, conversation, and time spent with those I love.

The next weekend we went up to the mountain: my mom, sister, and I. The weather once again was perfect. The sun was shining, and it was clear skies. We drove up to the mountain, later than last weekend, and there was no cop or crowds! We sat and looked at the mountain and admired the sights, sounds, and fresh air! It was captivating. We ate lunch as planned, and I appreciated it more that day than I know I would have the weekend before. Then I realized I learned another lesson that my mom tried to instill in all of her daughters: life doesn’t owe you anything. And take that one step further, we have to enjoy it while we have it. The next time you wake up angry or have a bad day, think about the air in your lungs or the beating in your chest. Many people did not wake up to experience what you are right now. Love it, live it, and pay attention to life’s lessons!