The Start

The hardest part of anything is starting. Like so many people I am filled with grand ideas but fail to act on them. This blog being a good example. I have been wanting to start writing a blog for a long time but have failed to start. Recently I looked at why I wanted to start this in the first place and discovered my why. So Why?

Because, it would allow me to practice writing, assist me in facing my fears of getting out there and no longer caring about what others think about me or what I feel. I am an emotional being by nature. I cry when I watch commercials, lol. I get nervous when people glare at me like I have committed an offense towards them. So, imagine the fear that I feel writing this and posting it as my first blog post.

I am ready to break free of my self-imposed chains and live, speak, and act as if no one is watching or cares. The truth of the matter is, that no one really do care about what you do. Most people only care about the time they interact with you and how you make them feel.

So, here goes. I am going to be unapologetically honest and open with myself and the world starting today. I used to be a perfectionist, until one day, I let the world tell me that perfect is unachievable and I should stop striving for it. So, I did. The battle got to hard to keep fighting for perfection. People kept saying you don’t have to be perfect or it doesn’t have to be perfect and I believed them. Now, in my personal opinion, my work is no longer anything to be proud over. As a matter of a fact, I struggle to find my achievements because they do not live up to the standard that I used to call perfect or going above and beyond. My work is acceptable, just like the mass majority of other people’s work.

I used to set unobtainable goals and achieve them. Now, I set “realistic” goals as people call them and say “yay” when I achieve them. Reaching beyond the clouds is what used to drive me but now I reach for what is just beyond a mountain. It is in view just not close enough to grab it. My goals are like everyone else’s: land a good job, make enough money to be comfortable or rich, then retire well and have a nice funeral.

A long time ago, I used to not settle for the mediocre but sought out the challenge. Now, I am okay with the mediocre, it is safer and safety means I do not risk being judged or reprimanded. It also means the death of my creativity and imagination.

I feel the pressure that the world imposed on me and I crumbled under it. Recently, I decided to shed off the rubble that the world buried me under and decided to LIVE. That’s right! It was not easy but I realized that I was dying and I couldn’t figure out what was killing me until I took a long look at my life and realized that I let the world kill me with their opinions, views, and thoughts. I became conformed and died. Rhonda Gates died. It wasn’t until I decided to live that I started my rebirth and come back.

I decided three years ago, that I would do something every year for my birthday at least, that I have never done before. Hopefully, this will grow to doing something 2 times a year or 3 times a year of doing something that I have never done before. Why? Because, I have a blood disease and the death-rate is low. The average person lives to be 45 and I will be 35 years old this year, 10 years away from the age where this disease claims half of its victims and I haven’t LIVED!  

I believe that God wants me to live as He intended me to… happy, carefree, unapologetically, exploring all that He made for me to see, and cherishing/loving every moment of it without guilt or shame. Three years ago, I found my old bucket list of items written on a piece of paper. It included things that seemed impossible for me to achieve due to my financial situation: travel the world, skydive, learn to swim, write a book, work in a global role, own a home, pay off my car, live comfortably and I recently added having stronger faith.

Today, I live in a house. Been here 2 years and I have so many goals to achieve for this house. Replace the doors, windows, kitchen renovation, bathroom renovations, pretty yard… like in the pictures of Home & Garden, and a paint job.

I own my car… I don’t have the title because it’s in someone else’s name who owes money to the bank so they are holding it as collateral. But none of that matters because when I die, I cannot take the car with me. Also, I have had the pleasure in knowing that I have paid off my second car and am no longer carrying that debt with me.

I work a job, but it is essentially at a dead-end for me. I am hopeful that the job interview I had for a new role will bring me what I am looking for: reviving my need for challenging, creative work while allowing me to gain exposure into the global sector.

I have started a book. That is all it is, a start. I have not put much into getting it published. I need to get an editor to look at it, because I do not think it sounds right and my ideas in the book are all over the place. That book gives me anxiety. It is a lot of work!

As far as traveling the world, well I have yet to make that happen. When I was in University, I went to Costa Rica to study Spanish and it was awesome! That experience has left me longing for more world travel.

Skydiving. My doctor will not give me a pass to go skydiving. My body has half the oxygen a normal person would have due to me not having fully formed red blood cells. So, once I fall from an airplane the unpressurized air would cause me to lose oxygen at a potentially alarming rate, thus I would be risking death or a really bad sickle crisis. However, I have read that people with my same illness have completed this and were fine. So, maybe I will take the chance too. I have to do it when I feel at 1,000% in case something happens then I will be at 100%.  

I am working on finding a place to learn to swim, but the problem seems to be COVID-19 has the world on lockdown and that means no one is trying to get closer than 6 ft to a stranger that could possibly have COVID.

In order to work on strengthening my faith I have been focusing on God and his son Jesus. I believe by reading the Bible and studying His Word, I am able to gain a deeper of understanding of my God that holds my life in His hands and that makes a way out of no way and that is able to do all things! God has become my best friend. We talk all the time and there is no secret that I can hide or that I want to withhold from Him. Through Him, I am more than a conqueror… there is no one or situation that can slow me down. I realized that I am my own worst enemy. So, I am learning to live my best life through Faith.

Finally, my goal to live comfortably takes place every time I remember where I have come from. I came from a time where I was unable to take an hour drive because I did not have any money for gas. I remember when my health was too bad to enjoy a day in the sun, or to even get out of the bed. I remember a time when all I could speak was death, depression, worry, and sadness but now I speak life, prosperity, hope, faith and love. I am living comfortably and my best life!

It was not easy to start this blog, like it wasn’t easy to start living and reading the Bible and really building a new friendship with God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit. But it was worth it and each one taught me something about myself, life, and who I want to be.

Through this blog, I hope to inspire someone to start something that you may have been afraid to start or have pushed off. Starting is not easy, but I have found that it is worth it.